Five Things You Don’t Want to Hear in a Martial Arts Class
A Martial Arts class is a place where you learn to be strong and healthy. It is filled with dedicated, hard working people. The five following items are what you don’t want to hear in any good and serious martial arts class.
Hearing any of these things slows the class down, breaks the pacing. Hearing any of these things reveals a weakness that should not be revealed, but rather squashed. Hearing any of these things destroys the rite of passage that a martial arts class is.
Number five amongst the things you don’t ever want to hear in a good and serious martial arts class is…that hurts. Hey, a little pain is going to happen here and there, we all know that, but grunt and grit and get over it. If you need medical attention, crawl off the mat, find a telephone, call an ambulance, and check yourself in at the local hospital!
Number four amongst the things you don’t ever want to hear in a good and serious martial arts class is…I wasn’t ready. Good friggin’ Lard on rubber crutches in a polio ward with a waxed floor smothered in fresh oil…being ready is what the martial arts are all about! Open your eyes and ears and turn the switch in your cranium on and get with the gosh darn program!
Number three amongst the not to be said items in a good and serious martial arts class is…I’m sorry. You’re supposed to be learning how to dish out pain and misery and that sort of thing! If you handed out too much pain, then watch him or her crawl off the mat, or, better yet, roll them off the mat, and get back to the business of maiming and punishing your fellow man!
Number two amongst the not to be said items in a good and serious martial arts class is…what if the guy does something else, like Oh, ow and slap my ears so hard I grow cauliflowers I can’t believe you said that! If he does something else, then you do something else…and, in the meantime…get with the drill or you won’t be able to handle the first thing he did!
Number one amongst the not to be said items in a good and serious martial arts class is…me asking you why you were late! Get ready you good for nothing turkey butt, because when I get done with you you’re not going to be ready or able to crawl from what is about to hurt so bad somebody is going to have to roll you off the mat so the serious martial artists can get on with the show! You know I mean it!
The point of this is…always be ready, be careful with your matmates and try not to injure them or yourself, don’t interrupt or slow the flow of the class, and be on time. Sure, we had some humor here, and there should be humor when you’re learning to maim and dismember your fellow man. But…treat the art as sacred, and you will become as sacred.
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